On the perils of perfectionism
I started this blog with a promise. I said that I would post every day. I did this because I always fall into obsessive fixation and perfectionism. I write blog posts and never post them. I overthink what I'm trying to say. I rewrite over and over. I have been generally happy in my development there. I overthink much less. I kept that daily post tempo for several weeks.
As I went, however, I found another kind of perfectionism creeping in. I say to myself, "OK. You have kept the streak up. You better not miss a day. Then you will have failed." Some days I don't have a whole lot to say. Some days I'm just puttering around the house and working on a Lego set. When I noticed this thought process, I realized I needed to do something about it.
It reminded me of a story I have heard a lot about myself growing up. When I was a little kid, I would sometimes get a toy, and something would break on it. The door breaks off the fire engine. That kind of thing. When that would happen, I would apparently refuse to use the toy ever again. It is clear that my perfectionism is very deeply baked in. When I prevent my perfectionism in one place, it sneaks in at another. It's something I really want to work on.
To that end, I skipped my blog post yesterday. I'm not planning on making it a habit, but I have purposely marred my perfect record, and I will insist that I not overthink that. I may miss other days, but I don't plan on doing it often. Sometimes you have to strike a blow against perfectionism.